IT GOES ON

03sept2005
   been out of circulation for a few days… had a grueling week tryin’ to get everything ready for my child’s birthday… it’s this aft,3pm, in san pablo city , laguna, you’re invited btw…

   whew… can’t believe i’d be able to pull it off after all… it seemed like a joker with a wicked sense of humor has chosen to play cruel tricks on me, one after the other…

   my mom has been bugging me to ask the father for help… my pride wouldn’t let me… my point:he knows that it’s his child’s birthday and i haven’t heard from him for months! if he would like to take part in it, he would’ve at least texted me…

   my application for leave was dissapproved:no allocation accdg. to workforce… oh well, so i’ve resigned myself to the fact that i’d be commuting back and forth… w/c i did yesterday, and later after my shift… no other way to work around it… one day’s pay is one day’s pay…

   the payroll couldn’t have chosen a worse opportunity to play with my pay.. only half of it appeared in my account… a mixed up b/w finance and DTR division.. blah… blah… and i’ve spent 3 more days correcting it… next payday would not do… my child would turn a year old only once… and i’m all she has… finally, t’was settled..yesterday afternoon!!!

   i’ve summed up the courage to pay my child’s biological father a visit.. ‘coz i did need help… only to see a signboard nailed to his shop’s door saying ‘FOR SALE!’ caretaker said the entire shop has been moved to LB… since when my ex has decided to move his ass up to LB i do not know… went to LB to try to look for him, talk to him, invite him to see my baby and ask him for help… i figured a year would be enough for him to decide that after all… he’d like to at least see our baby… but he was nowhere in his LB shop… the only person i’ve found there is his gf… and i could not very well ask the gf… nobody knows about my baby in his side of the family… the parents know me, but not my baby…our baby…

   through all of those, all i had were prayers…and friends… one particular friend went as far as he could to help me… though he doesn’t have to… he doesn’t know how much it meant… he kept me on track, esp on those moments when i was on the verge of veering off… and for that i’d forever be grateful… he’s NOT gonna be there for a long time i know… but being there for now is more than enough… and i can only wish for all the falling stars i’ve seen… and all the hopes from everywhere i’ve been… he would not change… i don’t think there’s anything wrong in wishing and hoping… wishing and hoping that all of my friends would always be there… ‘coz i believe ’tis won’t be the last time i’d be goin through somethin like ’tis… might be even worse the next time… but i know that next time, i’d be of stronger fiber, substance and faith… again, wishing,hoping,praying…still loving,living…

   for in the plight of single parents, wishes and hopes belong to few of our treasures… prayers are our strongest weapons… and loving our only reason for living… for if there’s anything i’ve learned about life, IT GOES ON…