A LETTER

07 SEPT 2005
dear heart,

  i honestly don’t how to start,perhaps the same story would do. though i’ve said it so many times,i’ll say it again,i’m sorry. i’m sorry that after all this time,i have not mastered the art of protecting you. i’m sorry that i tend to forget myself.
i’m sorry that i always give it my 101% and you always end up with nothing left but me.

  though i must say you cannot really blame me.i’ve told you this time is different.i’ve told you we cannot demand nor expect.i’ve told you we’re just there simply ‘coz we have to.we have to make him happy and we have to keep him from being down.
oh admit it,you’re also jubilant when his smile replaced his frown.

  i’ve told you it will be short-lived,until he finds his self once more in the arms of someone who’d truly make him happy.yes,we can make him happy,but he’s gotta be with someone with whom he would want to share that happiness.i’ve told you we can fulfill his wants, but only for the time being, and soon enough he’d find someone who can satisfy him without even trying.

and i’ve got to tell you now, that soon enough time is here.

oh,don’t start crying yet.let me finish at least.

  it was not your fault, nor was it anyone else’s.we were not asked to care for this man.we did it out of our own volition.if we knew when we should be there right by his side,we should also know when to evaporate from his life.we were given a cue, we gotta take it.i’m not saying it’s easy. but hey, we’ve done it once, we’ll do it again.we’re in this together.remember that excruciating six months?we’ll go through it again.

oh please,don’t start breaking now.if ever there’s a time i need you to be strong,it’s now.

  it was not something you or i did not do.it was not something you felt, nor was it something i’ve said.we just really did not make the cut,his cut.but that doesn’t mean we’re less of beings than those who did.it’s just the proverbial ‘different strokes for different folks’ or make that ‘different tastes’?i’m blabbing here i know, but i gotta make you understand ‘coz i know what you’re feeling is far from being grand.

   please don’t think of harry potter or chicken little or any other films we’re supposed to see,someone else would ask us don’t worry.somebody already did,we just didn’t pay attention.now don’t go thinking about galera nor subic, we can still go there together,yes you and i. we just gotta work on keeping the pieces together.

  i know it’s unfair,but i gotta admit i’m counting on you not to succumb to pain.i’m feeling it’s threat but right now i’m just willing myself to be numb.he needs a friend and that’s what the two of us are going to be alright?

  no,i’m not trying to pretend.i’m just trying to think rationally.at this point, i cannot afford to be emotional.oh sure,days ahead will find me once again going home,wiling the afternoons without anything to look forward to,but i’d have you,and memories of the past couple of months.i’d be willing you not to break and i ask that you will me not to cry. refrain from messaging him unless he wants you to do so.he would not reply anyway.why should he?and also, we gotta stop calling him.you and i both know that lately we’re just boring him to death.we’re only going to see him when he invites us to.we gotta stop making ourselves special for him.we just gotta be there for him,the way he needs us to be.we want him to be happy and we gotta let him.

oh,heart i’m so sorry that once again i’ve failed to keep you safe.but given another chance, you’d know i’d do the same thing.wouldn’t you???

   i’m sorry things are unfair and i’m sorry we cannot do anything about it.but in all of these, you can count on us to be together on anything.just please don’t go breaking now.
  if that’s an impossible plea, a little then maybe…just please don’t burst into pieces that i’d be having a difficult time putting you back together.

uhmmmm, i guess there’s nothin left for me to say…
and yes, you can cry now…
as promised, i’d cry with you…

A