BAD WEATHER

8 SEPT 2005
   it’s one of those days when one dreads goin’ home ‘coz one knows she’s just gonna be treated to hours of being alone.’twas a blessing that drowsiness descended upon me the minute my back hit the softness of my bed.i was lost in the beauty of my dreams when i’ve awoken to the sounds of thunder (i’ve never been comfortable with thunders).i immediately got up to close the windows only to find myself whoozy. my hand automatically went to feel my forehead and i’ve realized the threatening fever has pushed through.refusing to feel bad about it, i took a quick shower in hopes of decreasing my temperature.it’s one of those occasional fevers that would not let one sleep, accompanied from time to time with headaches and watery eyes.

   i gotta do something.i need rest.i started on the latest sparks novel i borrowed from my sister.the expository part was brewing for the usual treat i always find in sparks’ novels, ’til i turned the page where the male protagonist is being introduced.of all the names mr.sparks could use!i closed the book, telling myself i was not really in a reading mood.

   i turned the tv on and found kate hudson and luke wilson looming there in front of me.i thought ‘ei, found a good one’.’twas ‘alex and emma’, one of those usual romantic comedy flicks, but nevertheless entertaining.i was so engrossed in watching that i’ve managed to ignore the burning sensation that was seemingly flowing through me.even asked a caller to kindly call a little later ‘coz i’m onto something.then towards the end of the film, a line was thrown at my face,this one:

   “…i don’t know which is worse, having to know every single detail of how desperately you’ve fallen in love with another woman, or having to know that you never even came close to feeling the same way about me…”

   it was delivered with such passion i was crying before i could help it.kate hudson has blurted it out without warning, i automatically turned the tv off.how the movie ended i do not know.now all i could recall from the movie was that line.and why i tend to memorize movie lines i do not know as well.what i know is that i was suddenly aware of a throbbing headache,a constricted throat and burning eyes.

   that line sucks!damn that line for trying to haunt me.damn that line for trying to voice out what’s nagging at the back of my mind.i’ve pushed it so far behind and the last thing i need is a mocking line.

   smoked a stick,make that two,then three and i had to stop myself for i do not want to have emphysema a tad too early.

   i went back to bed, tried my best to lull myself to sleep.but my efforts remained futile. i was nursing myself with cold sponge when a friend came by.i was like ‘here comes an angel’.we talked for a few hours, though i’m afraid i just bored the pants off him.he was kind enough to keep me company and kinder not to say how boring i’ve been.the whole time i think i was blabbing, my mind was afloat.by the time i returned to bed i was chilling.still, no one was home.refusing to wallow in self pity,i’ve attempted to reach him,no answer.messaged him, he’s sleeping.i’ve woked him up,again!i just felt worse.

   it seemed like the rain outside has made it’s way through my bedroom windows and has poured on me.and once again,after a couple of months, this time with the chills and my blanket up to my chin, i cried myself to sleep.