ANGELA

DELANNE…that’s your (biological) father’s name and mine combined.i could not bring myself to tell your lola but i think she’s figured it out long before you were baptized.i’ve told her the name was taken from drew barrymore’s character in charlie’s angel but i know i can’t fool Inay for so long.she’s just too smart.and yep, as a mom, she knows best, that i should’ve realized earlier.oh well…

your lola hates him.the entire family do not like him.but after everything, i could not bring myself to hate him.i thought ’twas because i was still in love with him.but that was then.i’ve realized i’ve gotten over him for over a year now, i don’t know how, but i did.however, i still cannot stir up anger for the man that is your father,but i am sorry to say, there’s no more love either.

no words could’ve prepaired any woman for the pain of giving birth,’twas as if your backbones and hipbones are being restructured, literally!i’ve asked, begged your father to be there, i was scared beyond my wits.it almost killed me when he refused, he said his presence would just make matters worse.he broke my heart each time he’s refused to see you, on the day of your baptism, last straw was on your birthday.according to him, he’s afraid to see you,that he’s scared he’d fall in love and change his decisions, whatever those decisions are.you see my child, he’s killed every ounce of love i’ve had for him.now he’s trying to build bridges and i do not feel like crossing that bridge, not anymore… forgive me.

RINOA…one of the most beautiful character i’ve seen in RPG’s.’twas said that the rinoa’s been modeled after the creator’s wife.but whatever it is, you’d always be the most beautiful for me.i am a gamer, so is your father.that’s what has brought us closer.we’ve romped around Midgard without a care for the real world.someday i’ll introduce you to RPG’s.i don’t know if you’d like ‘em, i won’t force you, but i keep on gettin’ this feeling you would.

as beautiful as you are, i cannot promise to give you the perfect life,one with a complete family.my situation’s no longer uncommon but it’s still far from being simple.i’d sooner give you a brother or a sister than a father who do not deserve us.what i can promise you is give you the beautiful and happy life that you should have,albeit incomplete according to society’s standards, nevertheless satisfied and whole inside.because we have each other.

VIA ANGELA…means thru an angel.i believe God has given me a message when He gave you to me.you’re His messenger, you’re my angel.until now, i do not know if i’ve already figured the message out.i also do not know what His real plans are. whatever it is, i just hope i would not fail Him, that i would not fail you.

these are the trying times Gela.forgive me if i’m not coping as easily as one would’ve expected.i’m not used to this.i’m not giving you an excuse.i’m just asking that you do not loose hope in me.do not give me up.once when i was seventeen i told my mom that i would never be like her!those were the rebellious years.now that i have you, all i wanted is to be at least half the mother that she is, then i’d know you’d be alright.yes, i have serious doubts if i can be the mother-and father- that you’d want and need.but i’m definitely going to give it my best.i just could not live without trying, and i am now.

i am not always by your side, but God knows how much i want to be.whenever i see families it’s you i think of, would i ever be able to give you that?my heart gets squeezed whenever i see a guy with a baby in his arms, when i cannot even make your father see you?would i ever be sufficient?

these are the trying times Gela.forgive me if i’m not coping as easily as one would’ve expected.i may break down from time to time but i’m not giving up.there is no excuse.i am not loosing hope. as long as you’re there, i’d be strong, i would go on.and someday when you’re old enough to read-and understand- this, i hope and pray that you would feel how much i love you.

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She Got Kids lyrics
lyfe jennings

1st Verse:
I know a lot of women gonna hate it
but, somebody’s gotta say it
And so I nominated myself to deliver the news
that its hard for a man to choose a lady
that already got a baby
Although his feelings may be strong
Having kids that don’t belong to him
holding on to him somehow seems wrong to him
Exposing them to a man who may one day decide
he’s tired of the family life
And now he’s gotta tell that little girl a goodbye lie
when he’s the only Dad she’s ever had in her life
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
it’s just the thought of hurting somebody that was innocent

Chorus:
She got kids
And I don’t know if I’m ready to give
Them the things that they need to live
‘Cause if we become more than just friends
what I do for her I gotta do for them kids
She got kids
And I just wanna make sure this is
more than just some sexual trip
See all I wanna do is prevent those kids from getting hurt again

2nd Verse:
Most men think it but they’ll never say it
but what if ya’ll had another baby
And he’s accused of choosing favorites, and they’re right
Would he be wrong for loving his own flesh and blood a little more
Is he being human or only being immature
who’s to say
that’s why it’s better just to wait
take love day to day
and let love spread its own wings
and if it wants to fly away or if it decides to stay
it wont be because of any unrealistic expectations ya’ll done made
and he wont have to pray that little girl ain’t awake
when he tiptoe out the door so he won’t have to explain
I don’t wanna take that chance please don’t take offense
I just don’t need that kinda drama on my conscience
Ohhh ooooo

Chorus
(Repeat)
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