THE HELL THAT WAS

saying the past week was difficult is an understatement.before last week, i thought i would never feel something more painful than the one i’ve felt when i gave birth.boy was i ever wrong.seeing my baby with tubes to her body caused me pain beyond what i could imagine.perhaps it’s because t’was the first time she got really sick, but the dread was unexpected.i tried convincing myself that i was just overreacting but i could not suppress the desire to make it all stop, my prayers then was for Him to let Me be sick instead.for several days, i traipsed to and from the province, to work from the hospital and back again, though it seems i’ve never noticed the distance.the past few days stretched like a month until my baby’s doctor had my baby discharged and declared that she’s well enough to go.i’ve gone through the past few days, not knowing the difference between laughing and crying, i’ve gone through the past few days surviving on very few hours of sleep though not really resting.all i had in my mind and heart then was for my baby to get well.the time we got her out of the hospital, it felt like a big load was literally lifted off my chest and i was allowed to breathe again, and once again i realized, i AM a mother.my heart swelled with happiness when i was about to leave, (when in the past few days all i’ve heard were my baby’s cries) she utterred the word “MA!”.tears fell like crazy,she’s well, she called me MA! MAMA! , i’m no longer “ate” nor “anna” to her.

i’ve been to hell and back in the past week. and right that very moment when she called me ‘MAMA’, for at least a few minutes, i couldn’t ask for more…

 
my sincerest gratitude to Richard, Dennis and Tony…you’re angels in the truest sense of the word, i don’t know how i could have done it without your help…

and to YOU up there, how can i ever thank You…for not giving up on me when i’ve almost given up on myself, just be there please Lord, just stay… i know i could not do it without You…thank you for everything…