HOME

each time i go home, i brace myself for i know everything back there’s volatile.and i’m just waiting for the time for it to explode. but little did i know it would happen last weekend.

yep, everything just burst out of the blue, the actions, the words i’ve been fearing for them to say were all out. and for once in my life, in my own home, i felt alone. i didn’t know how long i’ve cried. but i understand. sometimes no matter how much your family tries to help you, they could only do so much. and also, no matter how you try to do everything and give everything, you could only do so much.

everyone went out. i was left alone with my child and i think that’s for the better so we could all think. i stopped thinking. i just prayed. i shut out the echoes of all the words hurled my way. i no longer know what to do, what i knew is that if we’re to come out of all of these unscathed we should pull ourselves together.

the minute everybody got home i’m ready with all the questions and answers…all the explanations and solutions…but my mom got the first word.

sorry anak.

what was i supposed to say? all the words dissolved into tears. with two simple words, my prayer was answered.the seemingly irreparable fuss just that morning felt to be a thing of the past. yes it was just that easy. i cried and cried… relief and gratitude flooding me. no words were needed, we understood each other.and once more like we did before, we set to face the battle…i know with each other on our side…we’ll win…

i guess that’s what make the home so different. it’s the extremes of extremes. it can be both freezing and warm. it’s the one place in the world where you’d feel most loved or most alone. it’s the one place in the world that would never move. it’s a place that gives the kind of feelings nothing else can give. it’s family. and as long as i have it. i know. i maybe on my own, i maybe alone but i know, i’d always be home.