NAPANAGINIPAN KITA

been a while since i’ve had dream with you in it…and compared to the last steamy dream i’ve had about you, ’tis one is completely different… “uber” weird… thinking about it now, it looked as if it came straight out of a psycho film…uhmm, i’ll try to recall remnants…

’twas back in college, but the school buildings were the ones from my high school. we were staying in separate dorms and as usual, i was seeking you…and you were successfully evading me…uhmmm, there was a popular mob group in the campus who’s hobby is beating up people who they think are unjust. horrid really. composed of brilliant studes, the mob’s been allegedly responsible for several deaths already.fast forward. suddenly, the mob was on to you. and suddenly, we were meeting almost everyday, talking, thinking why the gang is hunting you.after every meeting, i see to it that you’re safely tucked up in your room.then i just woke up one morning with the news that they’ve “taken cared” of you. disbelief flowed through my body, i rushed to your dorm. turned out you were okay, alive and kicking. we went to the mall, saw a film, had dinner had coffee…had a very long talk…but for the life of me, i could not remember what we’ve talk about…but the conversation was really long…it was only cut when i noticed blood trickling from the top of your head and as if on cue…you suddenly told me “ihatid mo ako ha, huwag kang aalis hanggang hindi ako nakakapasok ng kwarto ko…” those were your exact words.then the scene changed into a dorm room when you just said “ok, goodnight…”… when i looked up, you looked like the man in a zombie costume from yesterday’s The Today Show… the dream ended there…and i woke up crying…

i don’t really know what that dream means or if it has any meaning at all…obviously i’ve thought about it and i’ve come up with a lot of theories, some of them i think makes sense… taht there would be worse scenarios between the two of us than the one i’m enduring right now, and hell yeah i’d much rather prefer this than that nightmare… but dreaming about you is nonsense anymore…

this is what i get from watching too much t.v. on halloween and trying so hard not to communicate with you in any way. at the rate i’m going, i feel like a criminal charged for illegal more-than-friendly communication and interaction, and the court has sentenced me with a Temporary Restraining Order…restraining me from being in your life… hay, pati ba naman sa panaginip?!

THEY SAY

…they say one’s always got to follow one’s heart…but if one’s heart has been shattered in so many pieces…each piece left in a different place in time… which way are you to follow?

HAPPY THOUGHTS

a cup of chocolate ice cream… a box of snickers… a dozen of Gonuts Donuts… pasta and chicken from World Chicken… Subway cookies…

teka…puro pagkain…

bottles of Red Horse… shots of Cuervo… a pack of menthol smokes… Watering Hole…dencio’s… decades…Allegro… el pueblo… timog…ortigas…makati… malate…

uhmmm..puro nman gimik…

boquet of roses… greeting cards…letters from old friends… candlelight dinner… a walk in the park… a walk on the beach… Sunday morning breakfast… the walk on the aisle…weddings…

too hopeless romantic…

buterfly kisses… tight hugs… make out sessions… caress… holding that lingers even after the touch… spiral staircase to heaven… moans…

too carnal…

CD’s of cueshe…Make Your Momma Proud… Bread…Cascades…Evanescence…Counting crows… Sarah Mclachlan…Ms. A. keys…usher… lifehouse…R&B… wolfgang…hillsong… blah…blah…blah..

aahhh… music…

season 3 of Dawson’s Creek… season 2 of Charmed… and all episodes of Sex and the City… Harry Potter 4…Chicken Little… Narnia…Memoirs of a Geisha… upcoming films… Nicholas Spark’s At First Sight… Tuesdays with morrie… my new copy of Message in a Bottle… and lots and lots of books to read…

so many words… so little time…

school… recogniton days… medals…trophies..plaques… achievements…

those were the days…

high school dance… high school trance… college life… drinking and dancing ’till morning… sleeping on exams.. debating with professors…and winning… a course grade of one… but nothing can be more beautiful than a classcard with a grade of 3… UPLB…caliraya…botanic gardens…jamboree…isis… graduation… independence…

academics… education…enlightenment…

sandy beach of pagudpud…

tinuy-an falls in surigao… the breeze of subic… people of boracay… chill of baguio… waters of galera… eiffel tower… empire state building… niagara falls…

*sigh* i wish…

downtime with friends… my baby sister playing the guitar while i sing… shopping trips with my other sister… long conversations with my very curious and only brother… dreaming with Inay… riding in a motorcycle with Tatay… flying…

my family…

leaving everything behind on a limb… having a vacation… going to God-knows-where… and doing God-knows-what… spending days doing nothing… lying on the sand beneath the stars… whispering things nobody else could understand… with arms around your body… and holding a love one’s hand for a long long time…

my fantasy…

my sketches…my designs… my poetries…my stories… my songs… my music…my plans… my dreams…

taking up law… passing the bar exams… having a name for myself… security…

being swept off my feet… lots and lots of blue roses… a look of utmost affection… a kiss that would make everything fade away… music playing in my ears… sparks flying off everywhere… magic… sincerity…loyalty… the promise of forever…

travelling everywhere… physically, emotionally, spiritually…

peace of mind… happiness of heart…

me…

ANGELA…

my life…

hope these are enough…

“…if i could see that smile from my friend… i know that i could live again…”-without you by charlie wilson

note: pics “borrowed” from the blog of jobarclix