on a Monday morning

There’re eyebags under my eyes…had a muffin for breakfast…
I am craving for puffs of smoke…to take away the sleepiness
My nanny texted me my kids were looking for me when they woke up…
Pass a couple of early morning accidents on the hi-way on my way to work…
My butt’s still sore from sitting on the bus steps due to lack of space in that full-packed makati bound vehicle…
And in my inbox  are a couple of reminders to correct errors on last week’s reports…

Yes…it definitely is a MONDAY!

loser

do you know how it feels…
to look at pics of lovely couples smiling…
while you end up crying?
thinking that each time i try to take our picture…
you’d rather not be looking.

do you know how it feels…
to work day after day
without anything to look forward at the end of the week…
but days & evenings of anguish…
thinking of where you are and who you are with…
and dealing with the fact, that i consented,
and letting you get away with it. do you know how it feels…
to fear that one day our child would look at me
and tell me it’s all my fault
…because I am not beautiful enough
…because I am not nice enough
…because I am not good enough
…because I didn’t fight enough.

do you know how it feels…
to consent to something wrong,
just so I could fight for something right,
without any assurance of winning?

do you know how it feels…
to finally admit to myself that nothing’s left…
all self-esteem and self-respect are lost,
all that’s left is the day to day fight to survive,
and that sometimes even fleets, and leaves me empty,
near crazy.

do you know how it feels…
when I have nowhere to run,
and the only person I am supposed to turn to
wanted to very much turn his back on me…

do you know how it feels…
to realize that dying is not the worst that could happen to me…
to know that I could feel death over and over…
but would still have to live?
you’re LUCKY if you don’t…
for I Do.

…

I don’t know how much more I could take
Any moment now I could just break…
I’m tired of my feigned smiles and being a pretentious fake
Bleeding while chasing your love in it’s wake…

Full Moon Ba Kagabi?

My Guy: (calling me from inside our room) Babe… Hindi ka pa ba matutulog?

Oh yeah, after several months, he’s managed to call me Babe again.
I don’t intend to make anything out of it.
Just basking. hehe! :p

Yes, I am shallow… so???

hanging judge

         Just so you’d know, Maximiano Asuncion’s numerous decisions of death sentence were based on evidentiary support tried and tested beyond reasonable doubt. How about yours?
        And another thing, the number of people you have terminated would never be a measure of how well you’ve done your job. But it would definitely be a measure of how you can ONLY do very little to improve your people before you let them go. Your time would come, mine too, eventually, everybody’s time would. By the time yours do, you think people would be shaking their heads in dissappointment and would be ranting out their loss? Or would it be the total opposite and people would actually say, ‘finally!’?
     Whether the people you’d be leaving would be saddened or cheered by you leaving, that, and nothing else, would be the measure of how good you’ve been.