PBB

i never thought i’d be hooked on the latest reality tv show craze that is Pinoy Big Brother.i cannot say i’m that addicted but i find myself nowadays curious of the show’s latest developments.i’d say the ABS-CBN network has once again hit gold with this one.the show’s been off to a slow start, with lots of negative write-ups plaguing it’s day-to-day episodes.but alas,those write ups arose enough interest for the show to survive, and lo, it’s now booming in the ratings.

there’s the factor of being the first in the country, the controversy and the uncertainty, not to mention the prizes at stake.but personally speaking,there’s something intangible in the show that has hooked up households to their tubes at primetime every night.the show has turned out to be so…so…so… pinoy!coupled up with the technology of live streaming, the number of fans swelled.it’s like each viewer has found at least one among the participants with whom they can relate.in the common soaps,people would be imagining theirselves in the shoes of the characters they’re watching, but this one has allowed them to do more than that.the viewers’ attachment to the show went beyond imagination and being able to relate,all because the show’s supposedly real. no matter how many isinuations of the show being scripted comes out, the public just would not accept it, simply because the happenings inside and outside of that PBB house are not too complicated to be true.

in the show there’s the pinoys’ fave underdogs as well as the antagonists that pinoys could not live without.there’s also the class of culture and social differences, the gender and morality issues.forums about PBB showcased how people would react when they see themselves on tv, and the influence of growing up in the Philippines is very evident on the reactions.

a participant gets stabbed in the back and he/she would have the viewers’ sympathy regardless of the truth in what’s being said about him or her. a participant backstabs another and he/she gets the ire of textvoters. a female participant kisses an oh-so- gorgeous male participant and she’s labeled as shameless, she kisses another gorgeous participant, this time a female and she becomes immoral to the eyes of many. the initially best looking guy on the show garnered an instant following, one gossip of him being gay and his popularity went down the drain.a guy and a girl participant fell in love with each other in a matter of days and they’re considered desperate.

that’s how cruel pinoys can be.

a participant gets hold of a guitar,sings his lungs out and voila, he’s an instant fave among the music loving pinoys.a participant gets sick and everyone else hovers over him, all concerns forgotten. someone’s father passed away and the half the country mourned with her.one participant tells a sob story and support overflows unsolicited.a tear shed and a tissue would come out of nowhere. a plea of poverty and everyone would be voting for him to win.

that’s how sensitive and caring pinoys can be.

in the current state of the country, one really could not blame anyone who gets hooked up on something like this.scripted at times as it may seem, overall it’s still real.it speaks of a true blue Filipino trait in the name of ‘pakikisama’,and seeing that unfolds on tv is something many of pinoys could not resist. it reminds them, us of how we are as pinoys, and how (despite everything that’s happening) life goes on…

AAAWWW… *sniff*

LOSING GRIP

should i feel compensated that he does it with me and not with her?so ano pala talaga ako?should i feel compensated that i still have the edge?damn that edge!what’s that edge na hindi ko naman nararamdaman?half the time i feel like his life’s share of charity work.

pareho daw sila ng tama sa ulo, malakas magmura, malakas uminom, malakas magyosi, e leche ganun din ako a!hindi ba nya yun narealize in the past few months na magkasama kami?malayo daw siya, at least yung girl, nandito sa manila, e taena nasaan pala ako ha?nasa ibang planeta?ano ako alien?invisible ba ako?sana nga invisible na lang ako para hindi na ako magtataka kung bakit hindi nya ako nakikita.

mas mataray siya kaya kami magkaiba?e anong gagawin ko, kaya kong magpakamartir pero hindi ko kayang magpanggap.she’s gutsy?e ano palang tawag dun sa kung anong meron ako?you see her initiative as guts while mine is “being very vocal”?bakit yung sa kanya mas glorified yung term?i hate her guts!buti pa siya nakapagprisinta!bakit?cguro kya ka nya mahalin ng higit sa kaya ko?i’ve been giving it with the-everything-i-can crap without asking for anything in return but some… pero hindi, olats pa din.tapos magtataka siya kung bakit masama ang loob ko?the last thing i need is yung mga kabullshitang sagot na gawa-gawa ng utak pero hindi naman nararamdaman.lech, daig ko pa ang manikang de susi na disposable and reusable in one, voluntary nga lang yung susi!

oo, galit ako!akala mo hindi ako marunong nun?nakakaramdam din ako nun, kahit na uto-uto ako.kahit na madali akong bolahin, the so called ‘easy prey’, nasasaktan ako. kahit na pwede ko nang palitan si jose rizal sa monumento niya sa luneta dahil sa katangahan ko, hindi ako bato!

galit ako pero wala akong karapatang magalit.nasasaktan ako pero hindi dapat.umiiyak ako kahit bawal akong umiyak dahil may mga ibang bagay pa na kailangan ng tawa ko.pero anong magagawa ko?tao lang ako, I love you Piolo!

   
“Losing Grip”

Are you aware of what you make me feel, baby
Right now I feel invisible to you, like I’m not real
Didn’t you feel me wrap my arms around you
Why’d you turn away?
Here’s what I have to say
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That’s when I decided

Why should I care
‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I’m starting to trip, I’m losing my grip
And I’m in this thing alone

am i just some chick you place beside you
to take somebody’s place
when you turn around can you recognize my face
you used to love me, you used to hug me
But that wasn’t the case
Everything wasn’t okay
I was left to cry there, waiting outside there
Burning with a lost stare
That’s when I decided

Why should I care
‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was scared
I was so alone
You, you need to listen
I’m starting to trip, I’m losing my grip
And I’m in this thing alone

Crying out loud
I’m crying out loud
Crying out loud
I’m crying out loud

Open your eyes
Open up wide
Why should I care
‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was scared
I was so alone

Why should I care
‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don’t care then I don’t care
We’re not going anywhere

Why should I care
‘Cuz you weren’t there when I was there
I was so alone
Why should I care
If you don’t care then I don’t care
We’re not going anywhere

THE HELL THAT WAS

saying the past week was difficult is an understatement.before last week, i thought i would never feel something more painful than the one i’ve felt when i gave birth.boy was i ever wrong.seeing my baby with tubes to her body caused me pain beyond what i could imagine.perhaps it’s because t’was the first time she got really sick, but the dread was unexpected.i tried convincing myself that i was just overreacting but i could not suppress the desire to make it all stop, my prayers then was for Him to let Me be sick instead.for several days, i traipsed to and from the province, to work from the hospital and back again, though it seems i’ve never noticed the distance.the past few days stretched like a month until my baby’s doctor had my baby discharged and declared that she’s well enough to go.i’ve gone through the past few days, not knowing the difference between laughing and crying, i’ve gone through the past few days surviving on very few hours of sleep though not really resting.all i had in my mind and heart then was for my baby to get well.the time we got her out of the hospital, it felt like a big load was literally lifted off my chest and i was allowed to breathe again, and once again i realized, i AM a mother.my heart swelled with happiness when i was about to leave, (when in the past few days all i’ve heard were my baby’s cries) she utterred the word “MA!”.tears fell like crazy,she’s well, she called me MA! MAMA! , i’m no longer “ate” nor “anna” to her.

i’ve been to hell and back in the past week. and right that very moment when she called me ‘MAMA’, for at least a few minutes, i couldn’t ask for more…

 
my sincerest gratitude to Richard, Dennis and Tony…you’re angels in the truest sense of the word, i don’t know how i could have done it without your help…

and to YOU up there, how can i ever thank You…for not giving up on me when i’ve almost given up on myself, just be there please Lord, just stay… i know i could not do it without You…thank you for everything…

MGA LALAKI TLAGA!

esos hombres!
i’ve taken that from the net, just so i’d have an alternative phrase for ‘mga lalaki talaga!’i'm not a man-hater(not yet at least),with everything that’s happened to me it can even be said that i love men.though i find it weird me whenever they say that i’m difficult to handle(i’m not exactly something one should handle) or it’s impossible to figure me out(i’m not a puzzle either!).funny i realized i’m not the only one, men generally thinks that girls are impossible to understand.well, look who’s talking.

may mga lalaking kapag nanliligaw nagpapa-impress then they’d be wondering why some women won’t love them for who they really are ,hindi nila narerealize na hindi naman sila nagpakatotoo in the first place.may mga lalaking dinadaan naman sa paspasan ang pagkuha ng babae, then they’d be thinking why they’re being branded as mayabang, bastos or manyak.there are guys who’d do anything to get what they want, only to realize that they don’t really want it when they already have it, only to realize that they want something else,then they’d be wondering kung paano at bakit sila nakakasakit.still, there’re guys who’re forever wondering kung bakit hindi nila nakukuha ang gusto nila, without realizing they’re not doing anything about it.there are guys na sa sobrang bait kulang na lang magpari siya, then he’d be puzzled as to why people-and girls- find him boring.and there are MANY guys na mahilig gumawa ng kalokohan (mambabae, magbisyo, magsinungaling…etc…), who’d deny their asses to death when asked, who’d lie their faces to dust when caught and who’d be seen worming their way out of mess that they themselves have created.may mga guys na ang hilig PUMASOK (pun intended,hehe) sa mga hindi kayang labasan.there’re guys who put their brains inside their balls only to realize in the end that they don’t have balls&they’d still be clueless kung bakit may nagagalit sa kanila.mga lalaki talaga!

one specific example that guys are just as hard to figure out as girls.
i’ve learned that the easiest way to deal with some guys is to set them straight from the onset.i’ve been to dinner dates where guys would be expecting something else in the end and then they’d be pissed once i’ve refused.hindi naman ako nagmamalinis, hindi na rin ako bago sa mga ganung bagay.ang sa akin lang, gusto ko malinaw ang usapan.i don’t like ridiculous expectations, moreover i don’t like the reactions when expectations are not met.i’ve been dragged into a motel after a date after i’ve flatly said NO,and it took at least an hour for the guy to realize that i did NOT wanna do it with him.all he could say was “akala ko OK lang.” heller!ok lang kung gusto ka ng babae,ok lang if the girl said ‘YES’.ok lang kung napag-usapan nyo.such a shame most guys are afraid to talk.after that date, everytime a guy asks me out or whenever a guy pursues me, i take the time to ask him this question
‘ANONG GUSTO MO, ONE-NIGHT STAND, FLING, FUBU O GIRLFRIEND?’

4 out 5, guys’ initial reaction “uy, grabe ka naman, hindi naman ako ganun…”,
almost always quick to rise to one’s defense.
to which i would answer ‘wala naman akong sinasabing ganun ka,
ang sa akin lang, wala namang mawawala kung magpapakatotoo tayo sa isa’t-isa’.
one guy answered “fling” and i said ‘no, ayoko’
the guy got offended.
hindi naman porke nagtanong ako e papayag na ako sa pipiliin ng tinanong ko.
ang sa akin lang, i just wanna know what i’m getting myself into,
kung papayag ako o hindi, hence i’d know how to handle myself,
moreover i’d know what and what not to expect.
sadly hindi nya nagets. mga lalaki talaga!

ang hirap sa mga lalaki, lagi kayong nagrereklamo na malabo ang mga babae. you always see girls like some trigonometric equation that refuses to be solved.but on those times that girls lay out their cards right under your nose, you still see us as those intricate chemical equation that refuse to be balanced. sa totoo lang,minsan, kayo ang malabo.

i feel like i’ve met all sorts of men, each one more complicated than the last.though they’ve got things in common,penis, egos, tendencies to lie and their love for women, they still like to insist on how different one is from the other.those things go hand in hand, and are not necessarily negative.sabi nga, nasa pagdadala na nila, doon sila nagkakaiba-iba, yun nga lang, hindi nila alam yun. mga lalaki talaga!