SKY HIGH CHEESY
Monday, September 5, 200524 AUG 2005
cheesy
‘ave come across ’tis song while musing…have heard it on one of those cheesy films that i secretly like! =p (famous line from the movie : “OH YES! KAIBIGAN MO LANG AKO! =P) the song itself is cheesy but man the lyrics are quite right… it’s funny that sometimes very simple words can tug at your heartstrings and before one knows it, one would be thinkin’ “ei, ‘the song’s damn real!”…so true i’m keeping note of it…
TINGNAN MO NAMAN AKO
Intro:
I:
Maganda s’ya, gusto mo s’ya
Suwerte n’ya mahal mo s’ya
Pero laking malas ko
Sa akin kaibigan lang ang
turing mo
II:
Sa puso mo wala ako
Sa panaginip ko mahal mo
ako
Doo’y akin ka
Doo’y laging kasama
ka
Chorus:
Tingnan mo naman
Tingnan mo naman
Tingnan mo naman sana
ako
Kahit hindi ako kasing
ganda ng mahal mo
Hanggang pangarap lang ba
Maging akin ka
Kahit na s’ya ang iyong
mahal
Tanging dasal sa Maykapal
sana
Tingnan mo naman ako
III:
Mababaw lang naman ako
Makita ka lang masaya na
ako
Minsan pa nga iniisip ko
Ako’ng mahal mo s’yang
ayaw mo
(Repeat Chorus 2x)
….naman ako oooh 
23 aug 2005
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SKY HIGH WAS UHMMMM… CUTE!NO OTHER WAY TO DESCRIBE IT.FIRST TIME I SAW ITS TRAILER,I KNEW I GOTTA SEE IT.THE CONCEPT WAS GOOD, SO GOOD I THOUGHT THERE’S SO MUCH MORE ROOM FOR IMPROVING THE FILM, SO MUCH AREAS AND IDEAS TO EXPLORE.BUT IT REMAINS, THEY’VE MANAGED TO MAKE THE MOVIE CUTE. THE CHARACTERS ARE QUITE INTERESTING THOUGH THE STORY WAS QUITE COMMON,NEVERTHELESS, ITS GOT THE INGREDIENTS ONE’S TO EXPECT FROM DISNEY FILMS, FOREMOST OF WHICH IS THE UNADULTERATED KIDDIE KIND OF FUN.
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AND UHMMM, ‘TIS GUY WAS HOT!!!
FIGURATIVELY AND LITERALLY!
GO SEE THE FILM TO FIND OUT WHY 
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uhmmmm… the sausage was delish… but cuddling was more delish… don’t ask why, toldja, you’re my butterfly…
TWO BEERS,THREE VODKAS AND HALF A BOTTLE OF CUERVO
Sunday, August 21, 2005
two beers,three vodkas and half a bottle of cuervo 
…after two bottles of beer, three of vodka and half a bottle of cuervo, i’m now aware of the amount of thought supposedly inside my head,quivering for release…gathered from this past week…that unexpectedly turned out to be one of the best weeks i’ve had after quite some time…
17 aug 2005
seeing you at the airport brought back memories of the very first time i’ve set to pick you up when you got back from a trip.oh gawd,how i’ve missed you.seems like spendin’ time with you ain’t enough to sap out the loneliness of missing you for several months or so.minute i got out of the office i wanna set off for the airport.then your flight got delayed and i was like *sigh*.i specifically asked the cab’s driver to pretty please hurry up ‘coz i wouldn’t wanna be late.then you called,announcing your arrival and i cursed traffic as much as modesty would allow.
seeing you there walking towards me was something, such a different moment, and try as i might i can’t put a word into it. maybe the good ol’ term ‘magic’ would do. that’s what i feel everytime i see you after several days or weeks or months of absence.
”oo, hanggang ngayon, pag nakikita kita, kinikilig pa rin ako…”
i can no longer point out which particular gesture excites me more; your hug, your smile, or the twinkle in your eyes, or was that in mine? the light conversations on the way back to manila, the catching up to each other’s days, the look, the sighs that match, the touch…everything’s suggestive of something special… it’s untouchable,it’s magic..
”kahit nga nung cnabihan ka nung girl sa store ng ’sir,only this?’ dahil npagkamalan kang korean…natawa ako pero ndi nwala ung magic…walang cnabi si david blaine!”
the hours that followed can be encapsulated in one word…bliss.i’ll try to point out figments from my memory, the motions, the groans and the moans, the tickling, the whispering, the massage and the kissing, i can no longer point out which of those made me laugh or smile or sigh the most… but everything’s suggestive of something magical…it’s impenetrable, it’s special…
hours spent watchin’ the band were time well-spent,though i’ve to admit at some point i wanted to ask you to go,’coz u looked wasted.alas,u’re face lighted up and all worries went out of the window.good thing we finished the show and we’re able to catch that song of charlie wilson.
saying i had a good time watchin’ ‘em is an understatement.actually, sayin’ i enjoy every minute of being with you is an understatement as well.
it’s something different.
it’s musical and poetic in one.
it’s blissful and scary at the same time.
it strengthens me in the very same way with which it drives me weak.
it’s untouchable, it’s impenetrable, it’s intangible, it’s magic…
and don’t worry…for i know MAGIC is NOT REAL…
18 aug 2005
Must Love Dogs…must love…
it’s one of those few instances that i’m on time.however, one would be fooling himself if he’d believe i was on time just ‘coz i’m a tad too excited in seeing the film.admittedly i am, but i’m more giddy of seeing him again.
nowadays, being with him feels like coming home to a place one has known before.it’s a place one has already explored and experienced, always beckoning for one’s return, always waiting for one to be home again. being with him is being safe and protected.being with him is a different kind of high. being with him is being at peace, wordless, effortless, regardless.
being with him feels like coming home to where i’ve been.it reacquaints me with the fears from which i’ve hidden my tears.it reintroduces the demons i’ve fought so hard against.being with him reminds me that everyday, i’ve to match every ounce of trust with a pound of strength.
being with him i’ve learned that tomorrow i can never be sure if someone would be there for me, so i gotta be there for myself. being with him taught me that i have to relish and cherish each and every minute of the present time,for one would never know what the future holds, moreover , when it will come.
being with him is similar to having a very warm blanket around one’s body, sipping hot chocolate on a cold rainy day.and just like other rainy days, one would never know when one would be caught in a downpour, without anything to warm her but the memories of those blissful days.
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…MUST LOVE DOGS WAS NOT ONLY A MOVIE ABOUT A WOMAN STRUGGLING TO FIND SOMEONE TO LOVE WHO WOULD RECIPROCATE THE EMOTIONS AND EVENTUALLY REPLACE THE VACUUM THAT’S BEEN HER LIFE SINCE HER DIVORCE…IT’S ALSO ABOUT STRUGGLING TO FIND ONE’S LOVE FOR ONE’S SELF…FOR INDEED, ONE CANNOT GIVE WHAT ONE DOESN’T HAVE…BUT THEN AGAIN, EVEN IN LOVING OURSELVES, THE WAYS VARY, THE INTENSITY DIFFERS AND ONE’S LOVE AFFAIR WITH ONE’S SELF, LIKE MOST LOVE AFFAIRS, WOULD NOT NECESSARILY LAST FOREVER…
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last weekend (20&21st,aug 2005)
reg, i was crying when you called ‘coz i’ve missed you sooo much.been tryin to contact you for weeks but i know you can’t be reached when you don’t wanna be reached. i’ve been longing for your company sis, have sooo many things to tell you, to ask you.so many things have happened, and i just know i’d be at peace when i can tell you all of those things, it’s not only in the way you listen but with you i know that i won’t be judged nor would i be chastised.regardless of my occassional insanity, you’ve got a way of understanding me.and we’ve got a way of enjoying each other’s company doing nothing but talking…and talking… and talking.all of those things i’ve missed, BIG time!i’m glad you’re back.
”kaw naman, aalis ka na nga, nawawala ka pa. sis, jan ka lang ha.love you sis!mwah!”
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…IT MIGHT BE TOO EARLY TO TELL, BUT SKELETON KEY IS A FILM THAT FALLS ALONG THE CATEGORY OF “THE OTHERS” AND “THE SIXTH SENSE”. IT’S GOT THE SAME SUBSTANCE THAT MAKES HAIR ON THE BACK OF ONE’S NECK STANDS. THERE’RE PARTS OF THE MOVIE THAT WOULD MAKE A ONE BELIEVE HE’S GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT THINKING THE FILM IS PREDICTABLE AND ALL.AND JUST WHEN ONE THOUGHT THIS FILM, LIKE ANY OTHER FILMS WOULD RESURRECT AND HAVE ITS PROTAGONIST SUCCEED IN THE END, ONE’S GOTTA THINK AGAIN.THIS IS ONE FILM ONE CANNOT APPRECIATE FULLY ‘TIL ONE HAS SEEN ITS END…
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chard,there’re no plans of meeting, but when you asked me to watch the skeleton keys i remember my heart leaping.you have those days when you just feel like calling and going around in circles talking when in fact we can talk when we meet up.you have those days when you’re just the sweetest being alive, and you keep this smile pasted on my face and there is nowhere to hide. you have those days when your hug gives the nicest feeling in the entire man-kingdom. you have those days when your kiss in the forehead feels like the most romantic thing i’ve ever known.you have those days of picking up the must see films and you have those days of makin everything else fade but us.
you have those days when being with you feels like home…
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“Feels Like Home”
chantal kreviazuk
OST:Dawson’s Creek
Somethin’ in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There’s somethin’ in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I’ve been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you’ve done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I’m alright, ’cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I’d love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong
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RAW
28 oct 2005
unang bote
pota tlaga sarap uminom.lalo na malamig ang panahon.e wala naman ibang magawa e,sabayan ka ba naman ng friday na off na wala kang kasama, ang saya-saya di ba? lech kasi bakit nasanay ako…ang tanga-tanga ko talaga! buti na lang may internet shop na may beer…har! har! long live alcoholics! teka check ko muna boards…
2nd bote
damn! “second” bote! i sound so coñotic na ate! hehe! eeeewwww! e ang haba ng spelling ng tagalog e bakit ba, e kung ano lumabas sa bibig ko diretso sa keyboards no!kainis no smoking…dapat walang mga bar na non-smoking, kawawa naman mga smokers sa pilipinas, very deprived…palala ng palala ang prejudice against smokers…bakit ba? kayo ba ang magkaka-emphysema ha?! hmp! teka balik boards…po-post ko na ang hindi ko ma-post…eto na… *tagal nung waiter paubos na beer ko*
3rd bote
yan…napost ko na pictures ni ted and fred…har har har! i feel sooooooo… wala… wala akong nararamdaman…wala lang… ni-challenge ko lang ang sarili ko kung kaya kong i-expose ang sarili ko…wala akong nafi-feel na fulfillment,,,kasi i know in the next few days idi-delete ko din yun… cguro ipinanganak akong closet nympho…bwahahahahaha… potah…ang sakit talaga…gusto kong matulog hindi ako makatulog…ilang libro na ung pinagpalit-palitan kong basahin pero wala akong naiintindihan… leche!beer pa! ilang araw ko ng pinipigilan pero ngayon hindi ko na kaya… kelangan kong mamanhid…. kelangan kong hindi makaramdam… hindi na ako dapat magtanong dahil ayaw ko na din ng mgs kabullshitang sagot… this too shall pass (yeah right!)… kaya kp to, lalaki lang yan (keep telling yourself that!)… he does not deserve me, i’m better off without him, e potah bakit hindi ako masaya… tama lang yung gnawa nya, e lechugas masakit no! alam mo ba yung masakit, the kind of pain that haunts you in your weakest moments, alm mo ba yung pakiramdam nun? hindi! at hindi mo mararamdaman…paano ba naman, masiyado kitang minahal…lahat na yata nagawa ko pwera na lang siguro yung magpabaril sa luneta…sa totoo lang, yun na lang ang lamang sa akin ni rizal! sa lahat kaya ng nagawa ko, ni minsan kaya, napasaya kita?yung masayang masaya? wag akong tanungin dahil nakakainis ang sagot ko….dahil sa lahat ng ginawa ko, masaya ako…masayang-masaya…yun nga lang…hobby mo na yata na iwan ako…
4th bote
pota last na dpat, qouta na ako.nasa tapat lang ang bahay pero ayokong magsuka…sa lahat ng ayaw ko e yung umiinom na nagsusuka…kung hindi mo na kaya, ilabas mo sa kanta, sa tawa, sa sayaw…or ganito…mgblog ka…wag ka lang magsuka….eeeewww! mabait sa kin ang alcohol kaya sumasama ang loob ko pag isinusuka lang siya, hehe ang drama ko talaga…o amats na?oo naman…apat na red horse, alam ko pag amats na ako no…wsh ko lang hindi pang txt ang tinatype ko…at tama pa ang spelling ko… pag sineswerte ka nga naman…babatukan ko na tong lalaki sa tabi ko…pls alng no, hindi ako nag-ayos at nagsuot ng blouse w/ plunging neckline for him no!taba nang tumingin sha, but to downright stare, pota, bubuhos ko sa kanya beer ko… (as if kaya ko!hmp! mga lalaki talaga, makakita lang ng boobs! hmp!)…teka namamanhid na ba ako? uhmmmm… hindi pa…sandali, isa pa dapat…teka…cge kaya pa…wish ko lang magising ako ng maaga para mabura ko ang mga pinagsusulat ko dito dahil sa totoo lang….these thoughts are raw…to the truest sense of the word raw.
5th bote
basahan! yan ang pakiramdam ko! basahan!na matapos malinis o mapunasan ang dumi at mga kalat, pwede nang itapon…para palitan ng mas maganda at mas malinis… hindi pwedeng magreklamo, magtaka, o magtanong, dahil isa akong basahan…bakit? pumayag naman ako di ba? ksalanan ko din naman…oo na…pero sawa na ako na akuin lagi ang pagkakamali…lech…ganun na lang palagi…mabuti ba sana kung sa katapusan may kadamay ako e…pero wala…kasi ang tanging makakaintindi sa kin ikaw din naman…pero katulad ng dati, sa ganitong pagkakataon, wala kang panahon sa luma mong basahan…
samantalang dati…tawag ka ng tawag…kahit hindi ka taningin, pinapaalam mo kung saan ka pupunta…ngssbi ka pag tutulog ka na…hniling ko ba yun? hinde! once a week, o minsan twice pa kung manood tayo ng sine…alam na alam mo kung ano ang gusto kong panoorin…every other week kung mag bar tau at almost every other day kung mag-mall o mag-coffee…did i ask for that?no i did not…it just…happened…kasi nga we’re friends…(daw…)but now you’re expecting that i’d unlearv to enjoy those things in a snap…hindi mo alam kung gaano kahirap ang pinapagawa mo sa akin…. u hugged me, u kissed me w/o me asking and now u expect i unlearn how those things feel in just a snap… u don’t have any idea how difficult that is… you now have gf who can’t stand even a mere mention of my name and another female friend who’s replaced my position as your coffee companion who’s more acceptable to your gf just cause she doesn’t pose competition…. BUT AM NO COMPETITION! i just happened to your ex who’s dumb enough to still carry this torch for you pero alam ko na may mga pangarap na mananatilig pangarap na lamang…dahil hindi mo na ako kayang mahalin, hindi kita masisisis dahil siguro nga mas maraming eligible na babae na pumipila sa yo…i’m not exactly what one would call as eligible you know, i’m not exactly the type of girl a guy would like to bring home to his mom and would be proud of at the same time…tanggap kp yun…i know what i have to offer…andsad to say, it’s not enough for you…yung pagmamahal na ipinaramdam, ibinigay at ipinakita mo nung mga panahong tayo pa, na sana mas iningatan ko, yun ang pangarap ko… PERO NATANGGAP KO NA NA NGAYON PANGARAP LANG YUN… kaya nga nanghihiram na lang ako kahit konting oras e…pero ngayon wala na rin yun….and you can’t even imagine what i’m going through right now…
paano kaya ako uuwi?maglalakad as usual…pero lord, please lang…sana pag-uwi ko, hindi na ako umiyak, ayko nang makaramdam…para naman pag-uwi ko bukas, magandang mukha ang ihaharap ko sa baby ko….siya na lang ang natitirang maganda sa buhay ko…and i wanna give her all i’ve got… yung mga bagay na hindi naappreciate ng iba, sana paglaki ng babay ko, kahit paano, ma-aapreciate nya…
lord, ayaw ko na pong umiyak…malungkot ako… malungkot na malungkot… hindi na ako mkapagsabi sa mga kaibigan ko dahil babatukan na talaga nila ako sa katangahan ko…at nahihiya na rin ako sa kanila…lord hindi ko kine question ang mga plans or decisions mo…pero sana ipaalam mo po sa akin ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagmahal ng ganito katindi sa taong hindi naman ako kayang alagaan, pahalagahan at mahalin…hindi naman ako naghahanap ng kapalit, nagtatanong lang, gusto ko lang maintindihan…pasensha Ka na ha, nasasaktan lang ako talaga, alam Mo naman siguro how much he means to me, pasensha ka na talaga…at sana sa tuwing pag-iyak ko, patahanin mo naman ako…napapagod na din po ako…not mine but Thy will be done…
BEGINNING TODAY
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
beginning today…. [Edit]
…beginning today, i’d love you my way, no matter what they say…
wala na akong pakialam, lapitan ka man nila
wala na rin cguro akong magagawa kung lalapit ka sa kanila
wala akong karapatan,wla din akong inaasahan
ang gusto ko lang, lubusin ang oras na meron tayo
hangga’t nariyan ka, habang hindi ka pa nawawala,
hanggang may oras pa, hanggang kaya ko pa
wla akong hinihintay na kapalit
wla rin akong anumang hinihiling
hayaan mo lang ako maglambing
mag-alala, mag-asikaso, magmahal
hanggang kaya ko, wala kang maririnig na anuman
…i just wanted to make sure that the tears i’d shed tomorrow
will be worthy of today’s smiles…
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it’s like a big fist…
twisting the heart in pain…
it’s like a cruel trick…
enough to drive one insane…
but i cannot let go of sanity…
no matter how much i’m in vain…
too much depends on me…
painful,cruel, crazy…
how can one love so much and hurt as much…
why is it that it’s always the weak ones who fear…
how come it’s always the ones who love who loose…
why is it that it’s always the ones who love who end up looking like fools…
fools for the ones with no rules…
the one scarred,wounded and bruised…
i’m tired, exhausted…spent…
my heart still wants to but physically can’t…
it’s been clutched…shaterred…battered…
would still like to fight…
but it’s a wingless flight….
i’m crawling, trying, damning….
i’m shouting, screaming but you can’t hear thing…
i’m looking but not really seeing anything…
i’m existing, breathing but i’m not, in any way, living…
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…today you’d be back,be seeing you in the airport,am giddy with anticipation of seeing you. i’ve made a promise to myself i’d enjoy everyminute of it, and i’m gonna see to it i fulfill my promise, i owe it to myself.as early as now, i’m thanking you for every smile -and pout-that you would once again put on my face ….
the chapter that was
Sunday, September 4, 20059 aug 2005
of adobos and pecadillos
i ain’t a good cook
but when one is craving i’d like to be
the best chef i can ever be
though i’d make a very salty adobo
and i’d need two hours just for the pecadillo
i ain’t a good cook
but i’d sure try
i ain’t a good writer
but when one feels the hunger for words i’d like to be
the best i can ever be
though i don’t have the grammatical prowess
nor a chestfull of high falutin words
i ain’t a good writer
but i’d give my best in each and every letter
i ain’t a good girl
but if he wants me to i’d like to be
as good as i can ever be
though i don’t have the upbringing of the high society
or the finishing school degree
i’d be the finest lady for him
for no other, or whoever,
for hours or the elusive forever
i ain’t a good lover
but if one wishes me to be
i’d be without question
no demand, no hesitation
all motions and moans
without expectations
i ain’t a good cook nor a witer
i ain’t a good girl nor a lover
the only thing i’m good at
is at whipping fantasies
baking realms,deep-frying dreams
and what-might’ve-beens
concocting non-existent world of you and me
of pecadillos gone cold and adobos too salty
for in reality of bitter taste,we can never be.
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09 aug 2005
katangahan to i know but…
how could you???
ndi m alam kung gaano nya ako nasaktan nung dumating ka sa buhay nya…
ndi m alam kung gaano nadurog ang puso ko nung iniwan nya ako dahil sa yo…
he was my strength then…he was my happiness…he was my life…
i know now that was wrong… but u couldn’t blame me…
by now alam mo na kung paano siya magmahal…
kng bakit ganito ang aking nararamdaman…
ung tinutukoy m na parang ikaw ang pinakamagandang babae para sa kanya…
ikaw ang pinakamagandang prinsesa…ikaw ang kanyang reyna…walang iba…
siya nga yun…
ung “calls from diff parts of the country” and “romantic places”…
ung “spending time even if he’s stressed out”…
ung mga yakap na parang wala na siyang ibang mahihiling pa kundi makasama ka habangbuhay…
siya yun…
u dnt knw hw much it cost me to loose all of those things to you…
but he’s taught me how to love unconditionally…
and i was able to reach a point kung saan masaya ako na nakikita ko siyang masaya…
though i know i ain’t the reason for that happiness…
bsta masaya siya ok na…
pero anong ginawa m?
how could you?
pinipilit kong isipin na may maganda kang dahilan…
pinipilit kong hanapan ng katwiran kung bakit siya nasaktan…
pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko maiwasan…
naiinis ako sa yo, minsan nagagalit ako…
and that’s saying something…
kc kng kilala m ako…
malalaman mong ndi ako marunong magalit…
at the back of my mind…naiintindihan ko ang nangyari sa inyo…
pilit kong pinapaliwanag sa kanya kahit mahirap…
kahit hindi kita kilala…pinagtatanggol kita…
kahit masakit,pinipilit ko siyang mapatawa…
you must have your reasons as to why you’ve let ’tis happen…
pero sana naman, kahit konti lang…
nagawa mo siyang ipaglaban…
kc ipaglalaban ka nya…
ipaglalaban nya ung relationship nyo…
in a way na ndi nya gnawa sa relationship namin…
alam m ba kng gaano kasakit ang malaman…
na handa ka nyang ipaglaban kahit saan,kahit kailan…
pero ndi mo man lang un pinahalagahan…
in ur own words “u didn’t choose to take that extra mile…”
how could you?
and now u’re unto this charade of practically broadcasting to everyone that u’re ok?
that u’re going out? and moving on? and couldn’t have been better?
haven’t you done enough?
alam m bang he’s always on the lookout for mickey mouse stuff for you whenever we’re out?
the last one he’s given you, ksama pa nya ako bumili…
ako pa nkakita nung store kc may winnie the pooh…
pero ndi nya npansin c winnie the pooh…
nkita nya agad ung mickey mouse…dahil sa yo…
(i never like mickey mouse 
)
no u wouldn’t know how that felt…
alam m ba kng ilang beses nya pinutol ang friendship namin dahil ayaw m?
alam m ba na nung minsan ako pa ang naghatid sa kanya sa mtng place nyo…
(kc ikaw ang nagdecide kng san kayo magmimeet at ndi nya alam un)
i know u’re NOT ok…you’re actions say so…
i also know he is NOT ok… his eyes say so…
i’m trying my best to keep his mind off things…
to cheer him up… but no matter what i do…
i know i cannot make him as happy as he would be
if u’ve just chosen to take the extra mile…
8months ago i’ve begged him to stay…
he stayed, but with someone else…with you…
and now you’ve let him go…how could you?
sana man lang kahit konti, u’ve fought for him…
like he would’ve for you…
it may sound like it pero ndi kita sinisisi…
di naman tlaga ako kasali…
i know wala akong karapatan at wla ako dpat pakialam…
i know umiiyak ka at nahihirapan..
ganun din sha, npagod n lng cguro siya,
ginusto n lng nya magpahinga…
pero ndi mo alam sa nangyari…
ndi m rin nman sinasadya…
at kahit ayaw ko…
nasasaktan ako…
how could you?
all i want is for him to be happy…
cguro nman un din ang gus2 m…
how could you?
31 july 2005
“..the hardest trick is making them stay…”
the blurb from that film that we’re so eager to see seems to be mocking me…
u asked why i cried…
then i smiled…
sometimes i don’t know if it’s me who’s too emotional…
or it’s you who’s too practical…
of course i was hurt..
heck it pains me hearing you say all those things…
when i’m just here waiting and grasping every single chance…
just to be with you again and do the things i should’ve done for you, to you…
when we’re together…
learning that you were loving but’re not living…
told you t’was ironic…
and it is…
u ne’er complain bout anythin when we’re together…
seemed perfect…
but i was unable to make u stay…
u have each and every possible complain bout her…
but u stayed… at least longer…
u did ur damnedest tryin to make it work…
when i did my damnedest 7 months ago…
asking u not to give up on me…on us…
to try to make it work…
but i was unable to make u stay…
sometimes i don’t know if we’re trying too hard to be happy…
to keep ourselves from realizing that we really can’t be…
sometimes i don’t know if time flies so fast when we’re together…
coz we’re enjoying too much…
or if we’re running really fast, chasing time…
coz we might run out of it…
or more likely, i might run out of it…
i admit i’m nowadays living in the fear of knowing…
that the day would come when we’re tired of running…
each night before i sleep i just pray that the One above…
would just brace me from pain…
for i might wake up the next day…
and that would be the day that u’ve gotta go away…again…
i’ve asked before…i can ask no more…
for i’m scared u’d give me the same answer…
“…so if you’d still GO i ‘d understand,
just give me something that i can hold on to…
and if you’d stay, i’ll hold your hand…”
and once again…
i’d be unable to make you stay…
03 july 2005
JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
i’ve missed u more than u thought i did…
and learning u did too…
hurts me more than anyone will ever know…
and now…
i’ve realized…
it’s not yet the end of the shattering show…
after all this time…
there’s been no one…
though there could be…
but i don’t want it to be…
for a reason that did not…
could not…
would not…
|
|
april 2005 been in a swirl of dates and events… don’t even start to ask why and how… funny thing is… now that you’re with another her… all i could think of was.. all i could think of was… but i surely want this to stop… i love the man i’ve come to know… if only i can shut that down… |
20 jan 2005
…futile efforts…
… i tried to grasp for words but i failed…
…tried to turn to music but the notes faded….
…tried my pen but the ink’s gone…
…no matter how i say i am ok….
…the mirror just refelcts how much i’ve pretended…
…i’m hurting, deeply, and there’s nothing i can do about it…
…cry myself to sleep…
…drive myself hard at work…
…cuddle my angel on my lap…
…and pray with all my might…
…that the time comes..
…when this too shall pass…
04 jan 2005
DON”T EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY
those songs of us torture me night and day…. they seemed to be following me… along with the memories…
just when i thought my heart was broken… it’s been torn apart into smaller pieces… over and over and over… how much more i could take the pain is beyond me….
i should pour these all out to you… people say it’s the right thing to do…. everyone around me says you should get what you deserve… pounds of pain…. torrent of words that are my emotions…
but i just can’t… i tried but i can’t seem to discover anger… can’t seem to discover the desire to hurt you… i’m an emotional spendthrift they say…. a masochist of feelings… but that’s how i am… up until now and despite everything i’ve been through… i still can’t believe any reason for which one would hurt anyone he cared for….
i’m tired of crying… of trying to decipher why and how… sometimes i spend hours just staring into space….
been out and about the past few weeks worrying… drowning in my suspicions…. thinking of my greatest fear nowadays… and you easily just brush all those as plain paranoia…
i can’t help but thinking if for once you sincerely cared for me… for now, not even a trace of your so-called love is left… not in you, not in the air…. and people don’t love like that, do they?
here i am flailing in misery, while you’re busying yourself with your newfound love…. i’m sorry, it’s so hard to believe…
that we had spent months of a blissful relationship…
with you telling me that you’d never been happier,
more contented and never felt more ready to finally settle down than when you were with me…
that you’d like to get to know my family and would do anything foe them to accept you…
and that you’d be breaking up with me two days later…
that you’d have a new girlfriend a week after that…
that you’d have forgotten me even before i realized what’s happening..
that there are people like you who could not only break my heart…
but trample my self-esteem…
and take away all the hope that’s left in me…
you did not break my heart… for you knew it hasn’t even healed when you came…
you just made me believe you’d help me heal…
how would i know it would be…
in the most painful way possible….
i do not wish to die…. i just wish that during my lowest points, i just wouldn’t feel anything…
you want me to be ok…. as well as everyone else…
the difference is everyone understands my struggle… and you don’t….
you can’t seem to comprehend why i’m not moving on….
because your definition of moving on is having another relationship in a matter of days…
your definition of being ok is totally forgetting in a couple of weeks….
and us being friends as if nothing happened….
don’t expect me to be ok…. even if i want to, i can’t…
i know i would be, eventually, but i don’t know when…
and definitely i won’t do moving on with somebody else’s arms around me…
don’t expect me to do what you’re doing…
you can’t expect me to be doing something that is currently killing me…
i’m not like that…
it’s just not in me….
and sadly…. very sadly… it is so you…
23 December 2004
i told myself i’m never gonna do it again, i’m not gonna fall again so soon and i’d just be enjoying… but then you came… you took all my plans into your hands and replaced them with yours, though worked so hard and waited long for the two of us to set it official, you were gone before i knew it…
it’s december 23, but i’m sorry i can’t feel Christmas, simply because plans for Christmas included you… i know when i go home i’d be happy with my family, they’re my refuge as always… but while i’m still here, i just can’t seem to stop thinking of you….
do you know how it feels to be lied to after giving your trust, against everyone’s will? do you know how it feels that i’ve finally been given hope of true happiness and i suddenly found out it’s all farce?? do you know how it is to feel I must’ve done something wrong for you to leave me without any warning?? do you know how it feels when somethin that’s so ok… even beyond ok… is suddenly taken away from you… with you not being able to fight for it… no matter how you want to….
do you know that i still cry myself to sleep nowadays?? do you know that everytime friends ask me about you, my tears would just spill? do you know that i sometimes have to get out of the office suddenly, just to take some fresh air, for i feel my heart would burst of suffocation, but it ain’t the closed space, it’s the pain…. do you know that yesterday, i boarded a bus at 4:30am and alicia keys’ voice played the minute i got to a seat, it was too much that i just sat there crying, to lonely to care if anyone’s looking… do you know that just the mere mention of your name gets my throat constricted…. do you know that i can’t even bear to look at that “site” anymore…
every night, i rewind and play our days in my mind, trying to see where i went wrong… and still failing to find out why you left me… moreover failing to discover how is it that you’ve found someone new a mere week after… failed to see the logic in the fact that our pictures are all over this site and your pictures with her are plastered in another… refused to believe that you’d be heartless enough to dupe me while you know just what i’ve gone through recently… do you know that everytime i reach into my neck for the chain that you gave, memories of flash into my mind, until my eyes are once more filled…
do you know that every night, i still pray that when i wake up, everything would just turn out to be a nightmare… but it’s not… i guess that’s one prayer that can’t be granted….
why did you do this to me? why now? and why me? couldn’t you have picked someone else… you might think of less of me now… but i can’t be untrue to my self… i don’t go into a relationship just so i could have one… i get into one if the feelings are real… and if the person’s real….
i’ve got so many things to consider now and i’ve risked them all for you, but i don’t think you even thought of that…. and don’t expect me to jump into another man’s lap just because i’m free now… it’s just not me…
every night, i pray that when i wake up my heart would stop aching… but it hasn’t stopped yet… i guess i should pray for something else….
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jun | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |
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swtsexythng
SWTSEXYTHNG n.
/any way u wanna read it/
an online identity taken from a '97 hit
syn. ME
"MY BRAIN IS BIGGER THAN MY BOOBS!"
aries. coffee addict. single mom.
digs~snickers.junk foods.
blue roses.lines from dawson's creek.clothes.shoes.bags.accessories.
matched with style.and attitude.
loves~music.dialogues from films.
sparks.rowling.books.travels.sketching.
learning to cook.both life and food.
hopeless romantic.emotional spendthrift.
meantime girl.drama queen.
a little bit of everything.
a nonconformist who believes in
happy endings.jaded.hopeful.
contradicting.
has a conflicting love affair with words.
and human entanglements.
ODEO
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